July 13, 2020

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How to select your bridal party without hurting anyone’s feelings

You’re engaged, now what? Time to think about who you want standing beside you as you say your vows to your partner. This might be a tricky area because there are so many people in your life and you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by not asking them. I want to provide tips on how to select your bridal party without hurting anyone’s feelings.

Tip 01. Consider the size of your bridal party.

First things first, discuss with your partner if they envisioned the bridal party to be big or small. Consider they might want a select few people or they want many people, that will greatly determine who you ask. Ultimately, you want to pick the size that fits both of you. It is also good to think about the logistics if you do have a larger bridal party, i.e. a large limo for taking photos, more people to coordinate, etc.

Tip 02. Do you want to include siblings?

There is no obligation that you HAVE to include your siblings in your bridal party. You may feel so close to them that it is a must and that is great! There may be a large gap of years or they may have children and you don’t want to inconvenience them. The best situation here is to have a conversation with them either way. If you want to ask them but are unsure if they are too busy, speak to them about it. If you don’t want to ask them and you don’t want them to be upset, gauge how they would feel and speak accordingly.

Tip 03. Will this person be in your life many years after you get married?

This is an important one, it is not wise to pick a person to be in your bridal party that you just met 6 months ago. This is a special day in your life which includes asking for help as your big day approaches and you want to know the people you choose will understand the pressure. You don’t have to pick someone you have known for 15 years but picking someone you have known for a short time may prove to cause issues at times when you don’t need them. It is great to have someone who knows you before you met your partner and the person you have become – those are people you will likely have around many years after you are married. Those are people that you can share in the memories of your special day when you re-watch the wedding video and laugh over funny stories.

Tip 04. Can you be honest with them and set expectations?

Because your wedding is a highly sensitive topic whether or not you may have bridezilla tendencies, it is important that the people who stand beside you having an understanding of your expectations. Upon asking them, you can set expectations as to what you will need or want them to do as a part of their role well as be honest with them. During a time that is so emotionally charged, you are going to have to ask for help and you don’t want to get into arguments or create unnecessary drama that can ruin not only your day but a large part of your experience. You want the people you choose to get along together and be the rock when you might feel overwhelmed or unsure.

Tip 05. Don’t choose someone because they chose you for their bridal party.

This is an important one when it come to how to select your bridal party. Just because someone asked you to be in their bridal party does not mean you have to ask them. It is always an honour to be a part of a bridal party but maybe your relationship has changed. Or if you have agreed with your partner on wanting something smaller and intimate then you shouldn’t feel obligated to ask the 7 other people who asked you. You need to make a decision on what is best for you and your partner. This is your bridal team and support system so don’t feel like you have to do anything you are uncomfortable with.

Tip 06. Remember there aren’t rules.

I often get asked, do we need to have even numbers? Guess what, there are no rules! It is your wedding and you have to choose the way that makes you the happiest. If you want to have more guys as your bridesmen or vice versa then that is ok! We are living in a modern age where traditional values are broken down. Will your parents have something to say about it? Most definitely, but I wholeheartedly feel that you have to do what feels right to you, and being pressured by anyone will end up in a bad decision in the long run.
Choose with your heart – and well with thought as well. You know deep down inside what you should do and as long as you and your partner make the decision together then it will be the right decision for you! Again, it is your wedding day so do what makes you the happiest and hopefully, those around you won’t be offended by the decision you make. The main thing here is open communication and not keeping secrets, which will help to ensure that you don’t hurt anyone. Have any questions on how to select your bridal party? Reach out to us!
Classy Affairs is a full-service luxury wedding planning and coordination company based in Toronto, Canada. Classy Affairs specializes in upscale, romantic events. To inquire about your wedding or event, fill out an inquiry form.
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